Love
My cabin is my second home. I wouldn’t want to give my cabin up for anything. But one day everything changed. I went down to the beach at 7am for my morning swim. I set up my towel and flip flops. While I was about to go in, I saw a bright ray of light. I was shocked to see a beautiful stair way to the sky. Something tempting me forward, but something else pulling me back. I look back to see my beautiful cabin. I ignore the stairs , I might regret this but love is better than mystery.
Throughout you story you don't have spaces after your sentences end. Though I do like the jyst of your story.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Tinkerbell. Also I noticed you said a beautiful stair was, you probably mean way. I'm not sure though! Great job Cheesecake!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of your story, however some sentences do not flow smoothly and you might want to read it over to check for fluency. Also, "erging" is not a word so you may want to change that so it makes more sense. Also "I ignore the stairs." is not a full sentence. But other than that great story!
ReplyDeleteI like your story maybe change "erging" say pulling or tempting me but overall its a good story.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story. Just remember after a period and when you start a new sentence, you need a space. Also, your sentences are a little choppy. Also, when you say " I was shocked to see a beautiful stair was to the sky." That sentence doesn't make much sense. Try reading your story out loud.
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