" OMG can we get there!" I thought in the car. I was 9 and at a tubbing mountain with my best friend Miah. We had just got our tubes and were ready to go . Miah was up and went speeding down the hill. I was up and ready I went down screaming . I got up and as I joined the queue of tubes on the pull line, it started the stopped I was getting uncomfortable so I stood up and as soon as I stood up it started moving. I ran to get my tube but failed with people laughing behind me.
I didn`t really get what this story was about. And I think you could`ve used some powerful words in your story, but still, GOOD JOB!
ReplyDeleteI think you used this weeks prompt really well, however it is hard to understand what your story is about. I also think you could add some more descriptive words and check over your grammar and punctuation.
ReplyDeleteYour second to last sentence was a little confusing to me and I think you could've used a bit stronger more descriptive and powerful words. But overall your story was really good.
ReplyDeleteIt was but you can add more speaking parts. I also liked it.
ReplyDeleteBe sure to read your story out loud as you will pick up on sentences that need some revising.
ReplyDelete