A Wild Dream
Hi! I am Tomas. My friend Chris and I are toy farmers in a rustic toy chest . It all happened when Chris asked one question
"What is out there?"
"Pardon?" I inquired.
"What is outside the box?" he looked puzzled.
"I don't know, Chris" As I spoke Chris opened the lid and ran. Next, I am chasing Chris into a big room. Right in front of us are tons of cupcakes. Chris yells " Come on!" We climb up and grab our forks. Right before I take a bite BAM, I wake up
I think your story is very unique, looking through the perspective of a toy! I am noticing a missing period at the end though;)
ReplyDeleteI did notice a lot of descriptive words that I think are spectacular although I do think that you can add in different, more descriptive words instead of "yells" or "chasing".
I really like your story however I think you need a comma after it says, "Chris yells." And in your first line you have a space before you period that doesn't have to be there.
ReplyDeleteBe sure to read the comments left by your peers as they have good suggestions to help improve your story. I also think that adding more descriptive words would help develop your story.
ReplyDelete