Burning Down
All I can remember is waking up to the smell of burning firewood , like a summer campfire. The day before this big fire , my boss fired me and told me I deserved a break. I got home and got into my satin nightgown . I lit my candle , put my baby, Sophia, to sleep, and got into bed. The next morning I woke up to the smell of burnt marshmallows and the sound of Sophia crying. My house started to burn during the night.the firemen were there and everyone was safe. I haven't touched a candle since.
I really liked your story, but I think you could add some more descriptive language. You also forget a capital letter in the second to last sentence. But overall, great story!
ReplyDeleteYour opening sentence is really powerful. I also like your concluding sentence as it wraps up the story very well. The middle part has many "I" and could use some more descriptive language to help tell your story. I don't think the part about your boss firing you is a detail that helps to tell your story it almost sounds like it was just added in as an afterthought. Careful with your past and present tense as you switch between both making it confusing.
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