Do I Have Luck
The smell of gas charged through my nose as we sat in the Kal-Tire seating area. While the gas was swimming through the air, an older man glanced my way. Alright, it's not my fault that our car broke down on are way to my cheer competition. My cheer uniform was a green dancer like leotard and a boat load of makeup .Giving the man a mean glare, he looked away. Of course! I’m an hour and our car broke down. This would most likely happen to me. Looks like you don't always win.
Cool idea! Your second to last sentence gets really confusing. Also, one of your periods is in the wrong spot. By the way you might want to put a question mark at the end of you title.
ReplyDeleteI like how you used this week's prompt in a really creative way, but your ending is a little confusing so you may want to read it out loud to yourself and change the wording up a bit. But overall, good story!
ReplyDeleteThe sentence with i'm an hour part doesn't really flow but nice use of descriptive words.
ReplyDeleteBe sure the use the feedback given to you by your peers as they have some valid comments. I agree with them as you have two sentences that are needing some revision. Reading your story out loud helps to find the sentences that need some revision. Your lead sentence is really well written with great description and interest to grab the readers attention.
ReplyDeleteI liked the dicriptive words you used for your story.
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